I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
