it was like eating out sand paper
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
