i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
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new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
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I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
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