??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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