There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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