whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
