At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
