It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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