on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
