thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
