I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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