I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
whose ass print is on the piano?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
