I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
