I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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