My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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