Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
