can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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