I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
