she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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