I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
