I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just gargled with NyQuil
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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