i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize