So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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