guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
