I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
