Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
