Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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