If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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