like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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