she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
