there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
