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Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It was a blind-side dick pic.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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