So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
