considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
