you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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