White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
