I think I am morally bankrupt
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
