Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Just cropdusted the office
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I want to be your penis for a week.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
