How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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