did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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