I have demons in me.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
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Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
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Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
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