You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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