I love having hate sex.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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