Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
