Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize