do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize