Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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