Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize