did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
