You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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