I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
