when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He? As in you personified your dick?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
