so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
