The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
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I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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