I accidentally had phone sex last night
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
