The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
