Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
