Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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