im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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