So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
