i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
