i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
