I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
