I wish I could teleport
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize