Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
