This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
