So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
