Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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